Star Wars, “From A Certain Point Of View”

Star wars luke

For years we’ve been led to believe the rebellion, or the “Alliance to restore the Republic” are some kind of heroes. But what if the Galactic Empire are the good guys, battling an insidious threat, orchestrated by a “crazy old wizard,” the last remaining shareholder of  J.E.D.I? Have we been fed a lie, “from a certain point of view“? And has that lie led to the radicalising of the best and brightest of Tatooine’s youth?

Let’s examine the “facts” as Ben “Obi-Wan”Kenobi and his dupe Biggs Darklighter would have them. Yes, the Empire is moving in to Collectivise all the farming settlements in the outlying systems. But that’s only for the common good. The rebels and their supporters are nothing more than rapacious land grabbers, trampling over the rights of Sandpeople and Jawas, forced to wander the desert, selling scrap, or looking for the next Bantha watering hole.

These rebel scum are no better with their treatment of ancient civilisations – they ripped out priceless panels of mozaic art from the  interior of a temple on the moon of Yavin – treasures lost forever to the Empire’s Xenoarchaeology division.

The Blockade Runner captured by Darth Vader and his Star Destroyer? (Please – it’s a police cruiser.)  Princess Leia wasn’t escaping with stolen plans (well, maybe they were stolen – from the Geonosian Planning Office) – she was joyriding through a hyperspace zone scheduled for clearance.  Vader and his men who pulled her over were “just doing our jobs“.

Don’t get me started on the “Death Star” – that brilliant feat of engineering is actually a hyperspace clearance construction tool. One the rebel influenced Senate (the last bureaucratic remnants of the rotten Republic)  wanted destroyed so that they could revive the vile taxation of space travel and trade.

R2D2 was instructed by the juvinile delinquent Leia to find Kenobi, and also someone who could “bullseye a womp-rat, not much bigger than two meters“. She’d discovered the exhaust vent in the construction station, openly available for scrutiny under the Empire’s stringent health and safety legislation.

Kenobi proceeded to spin poor, gullible Luke Skywalker a series of outrageous lies and fantasies to draw him into the rebels rotten plan. Some nonsense about “the Force”  – superstition to whip up a cause to pin a flag to. These “Jedi” are no knights, they are a dangerous cult, outlawed by the Empire, a beacon of rationality in the Galaxy.

star wars luke and kenobi

Kenobi told Luke about the Clone Wars, which ended only 20 years previously. Why does no-one recall these famous “Jedi”? Because they are a fabricated legend.

Luke’s kindly Uncle Owen tried to warn him about the “crazy old wizard“. He didn’t want him running off and joining him on “some damn fool idealistic crusade.” That’s why Kenobi had him killed – both to stop him holding Luke back, and to motivate him further into joining the rebellion. You don’t really think Imperial Stormtroopers (actually “Peacekeepers”) killed those poor Jawas, do you? Sadly, everyone knows, despite Kenobi’s claims, our men couldn’t hit a barn door at twelve paces (a deficiency we are doing our best to rectify in these dangerous times we live in). No, rebels hit that Sandcrawler and the Skywalker homestead.

sw torched homestead

Kenobi has no “Jedi mind tricks” up his sleeve – when stopped by a patrol in Mos Eisley he simply waved the corrupt officer a 50 credit note to get moved along. Sadly, corruption is all too rife in that town. Make no mistake, there will be a few changes after this last embarrassment.

When the rebel Kenobi and his pirate scoundrel associate Han Solo were hailed for questioning in the Millenium Falcon’s docking bay, a deliberate mishearing caused Han Solo to SHOOT FIRST – the well spoken trooper’s “Stop that ship, blast (dash) them!” taken as an instruction to his colleagues to kill on sight. An outrageous slur! One carried through to further convince poor Luke that the Empire wanted them dead.

Then, after the farmboy was turned into an instrument of destruction for the rebels, killing many poor maintenance personnel on the construction station, their temple home is further desecrated in a fascistic display of martial triumph, complete with flags, torches and uniformed ranks. And blatantly anti-alien – no medal for their Wookie comrade, a disposable “walking carpet” to these proud warriors. Cowards, I say.

The rebels propaganda unit filming their cowardly victory

The rebels propaganda unit filming their cowardly victory

Luke now believes he is the proud inheritor of his father’s noble weapon, a “Lightsabre”. The poor, poor fool. This is simply a close quarter hand mining implement, used in the Spice mines of Kessel. Why else would it cauterise wounds? So the unfortunate injured miner could get help before he, she or it bled to death. But here, given mythic import by the banned J.E.D.I Guild fanatics (Jundland. Engineering. Design. Inc.).

Luke (and how many more like him?) has been radicalised – from a simple farm boy to ruthless idealogue.

 

 

Originally posted 2014-03-26 21:11:49. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

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