For absolutely no reason at all, I give you the top 10 moments in Bond film history. I am sure you will all say I am wrong, but here you are anyway.
10. “This Never Happened To The Other Fella”
Taking over from Sean Connery was a very tough gig for George Lazenby, a bit like when Peter Davidson took over from Tom Baker or whoever followed Hitler into office (imagine that job), but I think he pulls it off with panache. Shame he only did the one film.
9. “Do you expect me to talk?”
Goldfinger was a nasty piece of work wasn’t he? Imagine robbing our brave James Bond of his meat and veg? It would be like someone tainting his gold with their own effluence, not that I have.
8. “Ever Heard of Evil Knievel?”
One of (if not the best) the best car stunts ever captured on film ruined by a twat with a slide whistle.
7. The Lotus Submarine
“Right, so listen carefully 007, you are being chased by a foxy chick in a helicopter who is firing machine guns at you, but just ahead there is a dock! You are running out of land fast, but don’t worry, just pile as fast as you can into the water, press this button, and hey presto, a submarine!”
“You’re fucking mad Q! This is awesome, I cant wait to find a use for it. Though I must say that build up scenario is slightly far fetched Q, you really need to take a break. By the way, who is that young fellow helping you out who looks like Basil Fawlty?”*
*This is how I imagine the conversation went.
6. James Bond vs. Red Grant
In an age where fighting in films was very much depicted as a drunken scuffle, Bond vs. Red Grant is one of the finest early examples of two mad for it hard bastards going toe to toe and trying to kill each other with their bare hands.
5. Bungee jump
What a way to introduce Pierce Brosnan. This Bond doesn’t do doors or abseiling, no, he is an Extreme Bond. He Bungees into danger areas and punches men on the toilet while upside-down. He even did extreme upside down ironing at Q’s funeral.
4. “I need him alive”
What better way to prove to the world that you can cut it as 007 than by running through a bloody wall? In this scene Daniel Craig perfectly illustrates that the new Bond is all about guile and brute force.
3. Trespassers Will Be Eaten
It just goes to show, put Bond anywhere and he will get out of it. Put him on a tiny island covered in Crocodiles and he will just take the piss and walk over them all. I bet that had they left him on a patch of grass covered in snakes, he would have just whipped out his knob and pissed in their faces. Now you come to think of it, he is a bit of a smug bastard.
2. “So Does England”
This opening sequence is so bombastic and unashamedly brilliant (like someone shitting in your dinner and then handing you a cigar) that you cant help standing and applauding the man as the parachute opens. Bravo Mr. Bond
1. Bond, James Bond
I know, I know, this moment is always No.1 in Bond lists, but you cant deny that it is magnificent. Remember, it is because of this scene that every Bond since has said the name the wrong way round and raised an eyebrow like a smug man who just won smug man of the year 17th year running, but by God is it good. Yesh.